Today I want to talk about a special little boy, whom I never got to meet, but has a very special spot in my heart. Today is Aiden’s Birthday. Today we celebrate him even though he’s not here to blow out his candles.
Aiden’s momma came into my life after our losses. We were both attending a retreat to help grieving parents. I remember Briana was worried she was placed in the wrong group for Aidens story was a little different than all of ours. They lost Aiden to a rare disease ,one that has no cure as of now, when he was about 15 months old. I think both her and I know now she was placed in the perfect group. For we were meant to meet. That is very clear now.
Since the day I met Briana it didn’t take us long to become instant friends. We are a lot alike in many ways but different in others. And I think those differences especially in our grief for Aiden and Everlee only make our friendship work better. She always helps me see those hard things from a side that I can’t see to begin with. It was one of those things you knew you were meant to meet this person for a reason. An instant love for them and what they bring to your life. One of the good and amazing things to form out of such great loss.
A while after I met Briana I was blessed with the most amazing dream. Everlee and Aiden were together. This dream couldn’t have been more affirming to why we were meant to be in eachothers life. A dream I’ll never forget. And always feel like I knew Aiden even though I met Briana after he was already gone.
The dream happened last summer before Everlees birthday. It was a hard month leading up to that date and my emotions were all over the place. But at this time I had already experienced a dream about myself dieing. It was awful I was trying to get to Jeremy and Alice but I couldn’t because I was dead. It was an awful feeling being separated from them. The dreams of me dieing continued that week. Night after night.
And the last night Aiden and Everlee found me. In this nightmare I was running from people trying to kill me, it was a dark and desolate land and I just kept on screaming I don’t want to die …….. And the best way I can describe this next part is two little hands reached out to grab mine, I was pulled into a beautiful place, a much different place than I was. It was almost like an ice castle glistening with color and beauty. I looked down to see who the little hands belonged to and Everlee and Aiden were staring up at me holding eachothers hands and one in each of mine.
I have had dreams with Everlee before but this is the first time she was with someone. She looked just like she always did when she comes to me, blonde curly hair blue dress about four years old. But I could tell in her eyes this wasn’t supposed to be a moment for me and her. For she wanted me to meet the little boy next to her. She placed Aidens other hand in mine and was gone.
Aiden looked just like the many pictures I had seen of him. I sat there with him and as he showed me countless memories. Most of Christmas. We blew bubbles together and I remeber wanting to take a picture of him for his mom. He looked at me the same was his mom does when she thinks I’m being silly with my picture obsession. He said no this was just for me right now. I felt like he was showing me I needed to go to his mom that she was meant to help me.
And just like that he was gone. I was standing on the desolate street again. I looked down at my feet and Aiden had left me a Polarid picture. I picked it up and smiled right before I woke up. That was the last of my nightmares.
I told Bri right away about the dream. I asked about the Christmas memories. Doing the math in my head it made sense, I thought that must have been right before Aiden got sick and his health started to decline. Sure enough it was. Some months later Briana got all those pictures out from that Christmas. I’ll never forget when I was looking through them. It brought me right back. I had seen it all in the dream! Aiden showed me these exact moments I was now looking at. Ones Briana had never showed me before. But I had seen in my dream.
I feel so overwhelmed with comfort To know that Everlee and Aiden are together now. They probably meant for us two and wanted their mommas to meet. And I’m so thankful for the dream I felt like I got to meet Aiden in that dream. The little boy I had heard so much about. Aiden will always have a special spot in my heart. I love him. And think of him. And know Everlee is in heaven celebrating with him today. I told her to give Aiden a big happy birthday hug from me today. We all wish Aiden was still here today. But I’m so glad those two have eachother.
Just like I have Aidens momma in my life now. It’s one of those blessings from hardship. Something I’ll always be thankful for.
Happy 3rd Birthday Aiden ❤️ Sending all my love to you up to heaven today. Wishing you a joyous day. Sending love to the Koch family. May you feel peace as you celebrate your precious little boy today. A little boy that will always be remembered. Aiden is so loved and I hope you feel that today too. I’ll never forget that big smile of his. He’s smiling down on you today.
-dedicated to Aiden James Koch 3/30/14 – 6/17/15