It’s our fourth Christmas without Everlee, and I can tell you missing her especially at Christmas never goes away. Sometimes with the passing years I fear I miss her more as I feel further away from the moment we shared holding her in our arms.
Looking back on all these Years without her, her garden remains a constant place of peace and healing for me. I’ve always said you can feel the presence not just of Everlee but so many more. And that is why Everlee’s garden is a spot for so many and not just her. There’s magic there, if you had a chance to walk through the archway and sit on the bench, listen to the sounds of windchimes, of birds or bees buzzing in the summer, you would hear the sweet sounds of heaven I do, and open your eyes to each season there, each blooming flower, the butterfly’s and dragonfly’s swinging by. The color in fall. The white blanket of winter. The glow off the snow. Each sunrise and sunset. You would see heaven as I do. And if you sat and closed your eyes felt the soft wind swirling around you, you would start to feel heaven around you too as I do.
Each year at Christmas it gets decorated. And I realize it’s something I can physically do for Everlee that makes my heart so happy. There is so many things that are missed out of parenting when your child lives in heaven. This is how I like to spend time with Everlee. How I can love her from earth to heaven. The garden is our meeting place.
Out of all the gifts I give on Christmas, giving you all the gift of seeing your child’s name in Everlee’s garden for Christmas is my favorite gift to give.
This project keeps growing each year. This year I placed 150 names, and I found myself a bit overwhelmed at times, I know next year I’ll need help this project is growing bigger than just me myself handling it. Knowing this made me think about the importance of you all and the support we offer one another.
Mamas I know that we all feel like we individually are the only ones that remember our babies/children sometimes. And I know we all feel at times that we shout from the rooftop, their short lives mattered, they were loved, they are remembered, so missed, and they are always still apart of us. We don’t move on, we don’t forget. We lead by example hoping our friends and family remember the missing piece of our heart. Sometimes others listen, sometimes they don’t. They might not understand but I do. I know seeing their names is such a gift. Seeing their names make your heart skip a beat. Their names are a part of them, it’s who they are, here on earth and in heaven.
I remember them with you. I wrote out each name with care and love, I lovingly placed them in the garden and wished each child a merry Christmas. Each of these children have touched my heart along with the mamas that carry them.
This is my gift to you this Christmas. I wish I could give you each another moment with your baby but knowing I can’t I CAN give you this simple gift.
Why stars this year …..
I chose star ornaments this year, because I always feel like Everlee is shining through to me from heaven. Through sunrises and sunsets. She’s my star leading through the dark sky of grief. My star to wish upon and talk to in the heavens.
Did you know each point on a star symbolizes something. Earth, air, fire, water, and the top spirit. Every part of nature. And where I can feel her close to me most in moments in nature.
Stars for all our angels lighting up the heavens with its glowing light. Stars were perfect for all our angels still shining. Their lights are still so bright here on earth!
I imagine a heaven is so beautiful, Filled with all our beautiful children. I imagine them all coming to the garden to dance together on Christmas is the sparkling snow, under the glow of the Twinkling Christmas lights.
Merry Christmas to you all. I wish that this gift leaves you with peace to fill your heart as I feel in the garden. I hope the joy of seeing your children being remembered puts a smile on your heart. And I hope you feel the love I’m sending you your way. And the love I sent to each child missed this Christmas.